On the Upside

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05/19/10--13:57: Magic Just For Me (chan 1585804)

So ...








I'm in my back yard ...










I look up and see, making their way through the grass, a mama and daddy duck waddling by with 14 or so adorable, baby ducklingss following close behind.










No ... there is no water within 50 miles of my house.










Made my day ... like magic just for me.










I like to think God just plunked them down in my yard to make me smile ...







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05/26/10--07:39: Dang "S" Key Is Missing!! (chan 1585804)

So ... I go to Mr. Notebook.



I walk in, prance up to the counter, plunk my clunky, gray Dell laptop down in front of the sales guy, smile real big (lots of teeth), say, "Hi (look at his name tag), uh, Joe." More smiling. "I need to buy an "S", I say.





A quizzical look drapes over Joe's face.





"You know," I wave my hand over the laptop, "For my keyboard. Cat jumped on it - skidded - "S" popped off - gone now- need a new "S".





Joe, who is not yet amused, grins slightly as he pulls my clunky Dell more in his direction. He flips the latch and unfolds the Dell ... his eyes immediately searching the keyboard for this missing "S". Of course ... it does not take Joe long to spy my "Superman" pretend "S".








His eyes slowly drift from the keyboard back up to me - where, when he finds my face, my lips curl up into a stupid grin (no teeth).





Still unamused, he looks at my face for several moments - studying me.





"I needed an "S"," I say, with a slight shrug of my shoulders. "Had a bit of time on my hands yesterday, rain and all ..." I gesture toward the sky.





Joe, who is listening quite intently at me, but still not speaking a word, his eyes begin to slowly drop from my face, down to my American Eagle embossed chest (and boobies), where they linger there for far too long.





I don't know what he was thinking, but I know what I was thinking ... I was thinking ... "YES, Joe ... beyond this pink polka-dotted umbrella I am carrying, beyond this rain-splattered too-big hair, beyond these white soccer-mom shorts and tennis shoes, and ... beneath this American Eagle t-shirt ... there is a leotard with a superhero logo on it - for I am truly a superhero - this is my disguise!!! Just give me the daggone "S" and let me get outta here!"





When Joe's eyes finally wandered back to my face, he quirked a little smile, then he turned, wandered into the back, returned a moment later, carrying in his palm ... my new "S".





I thanked him, turned into the blinding flash of light, waited for the cosmic force to lift me and my Dell off the ground ... and with a woosh of wind - I flew - red cape flapping gracefully behind me - outta there.





Okay, the last part didn't actually happen - but I wish it had happened that way - it would have so been the most perfect exit :)






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06/11/10--11:22: Pa-lease - ACK! (chan 1585804)

Alexis: Hey, mom, how many laps do you think you could swim across the pool?







Me: Uh ... I could probably get across the pool.










Alexis: Could you swim like ... 30 laps?








Me: *throws head back and laughs so hard she nearly chokes herself to death*

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06/30/10--12:04: I Am A Magnet For The Re-dic-ulous!!! (chan 1585804)

Came out of the nail place, bright pink nails shimmering gloriously in the sunshine :)



Guy (scraggly beard, baggy jeans, young, but weather-beaten looking fella) strolls up to me from out of nowhere.



I immediately clasp my car key between my fingers - I will stab him if necessary (ack!)



"Hey doll," he says (tee hee...), "where you goin' so fast?"



Me: *grumpy face - walking briskly in my high heels - *clickety clack, clickety clack*



"Come on, girl. Give me your number." (he grew irritated fast - was probably the CRACK)



Me: SURE thang ... just let me DIG a pen out of my purse!!

I am ... a freaking magnet for the ri-dic-o-lous!!!







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07/16/10--10:16: Cowboys Are Following Me (chan 1585804)

So ... you know about the cowboy ghost that lives in my house, right? No? Then go here if you want to read more about him.








Anyway ... I think he has followed me to our house at the lake.










So, there I was, just lying in my bed watching a re-run of the Deadliest Catch (Time Bandits - WOO HOO - love that show!) snacking on a bag of Twizzlers, and the door to my bedroom, that was slightly ajar, suddenly closes on its own *creek, creek, ... click*. I SWEAR!










The cowboy ghost (I have gotten to where I call him "Cowboy" - it totally works!) has been flirting with me for many years. If he has followed me to the lake, decided he is finally going to start smooching on me ... he'd better use those invisible hands to lock that door!!

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08/04/10--10:48: Tales of A Tiny Texas Girl ... (chan 1585804)








Alexis: Uh ... Mom?






Me: Yes, Hon?






Alexis: When I get older will I have big .... uh .... big ......uh ....... HAIR?






*giggle*






Me: Let's hope not, Hon. BIG HAIR is a lot of daham trouble!!


















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09/19/10--16:36: Heaven Help Me (chan 1585804)



Alexis and my neice are swimming in the pool.









Alexis looks up at me, eyes bright, smile so big all I can see is her teeth.





 


ALEXIS:  MOM - REMEMBER WHEN WE SKINNY DIPPED??









ME:  Uh ... yeah. We're not doin' that today.





 


(I have created a 9 year old exibitionist --- *Lord-give-me-guidance-to-correct-this-one-minor-mistake-AMEN*)

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09/27/10--17:18: God Forgives Me Of Most Of My Vices ... (chan 1585804)

Went to church on Sunday,  watched my little angel sing in the choir (great job Alexis!!), praised God for everything he has given me in my life, went to La Madline's for lunch (so glad my twins came in from college this weekend - held their hands in church - love my girls!!), walked to Borders after lunch, bought a week's worth of groceries in raunchy romance novels (God forgives me of this one small, sinful vice - he knows I make up for my failings in other ways :), bought poster of Eric from True Blood *thank-you-Lord-for-Eric-from-True-Blood-Amen* (Courtney felt I needed to have it - tee hee), got home, asked Chloe to help me put poster up, she asked where, very innocently, I said, "On the ceiling over my side of the bed," pretty seriously. She rolled her eyes in disgust, turned and walked out of my room. Sheeeeeesh - I was just kidding *giggling*. But ... then I had to kick off those 3" fmp's (DAHAM, those are the sexiest shoes!), climb up on the bed and tac the damn thing up there by myself *giggling some more*.




I just slid right off that Sunday morning 'church wagon', didn't I??


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09/30/10--19:46: Sometimes I Get Brilliant Ideas ... (chan 1585804)

WARNING, WARNING - VAGINA STORY:




I was at Borders one afternoon recently, walked into the magazine section with my 18 year old twin daughters (looking for the new Rolling Stones mag), turned to Courtney, scrunched my nose and said, "It smells like vagina over here."




Before she turned and r.a.n away from me, she says, her face cloaked in terror - tee hee - "How would you know that?"




I gave her that *duh ... because I have one, dummy* look - then she was GONE!




I should have followed her right away ... the vagina smell only grew stronger the longer I stayed. Do you think they spray those men's mags with vagina smell - a marketing tactic to sell more magazines (daham, I come up with the best ideas - tee hee - and, uh ... g.r.o.s.s!!)


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10/03/10--11:03: Dear God ... (chan 1585804)



Dear God ...

please ...


take the hands of my children and lead them away from me when I steer them wrong!!




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10/05/10--19:31: Old Men Love Me (chan 1585804)



Had a wonderful lunch on an outdoor patio with my 18-year-old twin daughters recently.







A really old man shuffled by, cane in one hand, other hand flapping in the air, used as a propeller (tee hee) to balance himself.







He meanders by our table, tells me he likes my sunglasses and that I was looking pretty 'sexy' today (good Lord!!).







My girls duly noted ...that old men love me. *sigh*








I have officially reached the age where I seldom attract the attention of the young and vibrant ... and have moved on to the soon to be deceased.  Chit!!







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10/13/10--08:46: A True Talent (chan 1585804)

I LOVE high heels!!!










I wear them even when they are inappropriate - I don't care!!







There are certain pairs of heels in my closet I am particularly in love with, for whatever reason. This is the pair I presently LOVE the most ♥





I wore them out dancing recently, and never took them off (as I sometimes will do if a pair ...is particularly beautiful, but painful past the point where agony overrides beauty - is a very fine line - tee hee).






I kept these 3" gorgeous black pumps on all night - even made a point of pointing this fact out to several people as the night wore on ... and how I believe this should be a sobriety test - in the event you need one of those *giggling* - if you are still s.t.a.n.d.i.n.g up straight and center-balanced in 3" heels by the end of the night - you get a free pass.





It's a true talent - not to mention daham difficult!!






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10/16/10--22:12: Fly (chan 1585804)

Found a beautiful black bird feather while walking into Target the other day.

 

On the way back out to my car, found another one.

 

Kept them.

 

Maybe one day I will have enough feathers ...

 

maybe one day I can use them to fly .......

 

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10/23/10--08:50: I Don't Care (chan 1585804)

I pretty much know that I probably will never have wings to fly. Still ... I collect bird feathers just in case.

 

I pretty much know that I will never actually become a mermaid *sad face*. Still ... I sometimes stay beneath the water, close my eyes and wish with all my might.

 

I pretty much know that vampires are not... real, no matter how many naughty, vampire romance novels I read and wish with all my heart that I will one day have a vampire for my very own - tee hee.

 

I am also completely aware of how ridiculous most people find me for pondering any of these fantastical beliefs ...

 

 I pretty much know that ... I really do not care :)




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10/26/10--08:48: My Little Girl (chan 1585804)

Daughter came home from Texas State over the weekend.



 

She crawled into bed with me, woke me up with her funny laugh and smelling of Tacos.

 

I lost her in the house later in the morning - sent her a text saying ... "Where are you. Come spend time with me."

 

She sent me a text back saying ..."We're... playing hide and seek. You have to come find me :)"

 

I love her so much.

 

I want her always to be my little girl!!

 

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10/31/10--08:52: Touch (chan 1585804)

I met a FB friend at church recenlty.







I had never met her before, but when she introduced herself I reached up and touched her face.








When I sat down next to my daughter, Chloe, she looked at me strangely and asked, "Did you just touch her face?"







I felt silly, giggled and said, "Yeah."








I do that sometimes when I see something beautiful I just have to touch - even if it is someone else's face.








I apologized to Jackie for doing that - knowing she must have found it odd ... but I am not ashamed of my actions - I feel fortunate to be one of the people that will ever touch her pretty face - even if I had to steal the touch from her unknowingly.







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11/13/10--08:14: Child - Are You Listening To Me?? (chan 1585804)



My daughter told me recently, "I'm so glad you've raised me the way you did - people don't have the right to stand in judgement of other people."


I said, "Maybe I've been too lenient."


She said, "No ... you have made me tolerant."


And just when I thought I sucked as a mother for never wearing a bra and not putting up one of those dang Halloween trees :)


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11/17/10--11:49: If They Really Want My Attention ... (chan 1585804)

There is always some chit popping up on my computer screen ...








Update this, scan that, alert, alert, alert --- blah, blah, blah!!!









If they really want me to pay attention to all that chit - they need to have a little naked man do a hula dance or something - with a word balloon, maybe ("Hey, baby - you need to update your firearms" or what-ever-the-hell-that-chit-is.)







Maybe he could wear a kilt (OMG!).






Maybe ... nothin' on but a cowboy hat and a word balloon ... he could even whirl a rope above his head to really get my attention ... *giggling*







DAHAM ... I come up with the best ideas!!!







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12/19/10--11:50: Paths That Cross (chan 1585804)

Everyday ... people cross our paths.

 

Sometimes they change our lives forever.

 

More often ... their shadows overlap ours and yet we never meet - never have the chance to know who they are and how they could have impacted our lives.

 

On this day .... this is the guy I wish I could have met.

 

This guy ... who affected my life without ever speaking a single word.

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01/03/11--10:15: I Will Write About It (chan 1585804)




I will write about it .... 

when the pain subsides .... 

when I mend my heart .... 

when I no longer cry. 

 

I will write about it .... 

when the small child in me ... 

can breathe again .... 

when the woman in me ... 

finds her wings again .... 

when I am ... 

whole again. 

 

I will write about it .... 

so others will know .... 

so others will see .... 

the truth about me. 

 

I will write about .... 

when I find the words. 

 

I will write about it .... 

when I no longer hurt. 

 

I will write about it .... 

one day.

 

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01/12/11--20:49: Hippie Girl (chan 1585804)

I was up in my bathroom today, sitting at my mirror and putting on make-up. 


My twin daughters wandered in with a friend of theirs - one seated herself on the sink counter, the other two lounged on the edge of the bathtub. 


We got to chatting about this and that and our conversation eventually turned to where we were openly discussing and sorta dissecting the ever-interesting topic of sex. 


There were moments of laughter - moments of disgusted groaning noises from my daughters - moments of mild embarrassment, I am sure. 


One of my daughters turned to her friend at one point and said, "Does your family do this - sit around talking about this stuff - talk about sex so openly?" 


When I was a young girl - long before I ever considered being a mother or how many children I might have in my life - I was sort of a hippie girl - knee-torn bell-bottoms, moccasins, long hair, a free spirit. 


If I could talk to that young girl now - tell her one thing she would do in her life that would make her very proud, it would be --- "Always be a free spirit - never let go of who you truly are, as ... it will be one of the things that will bridge a strong relationship between you and your precious children." 


I haven't always been happy with everyone I have been in my life but ... I am so glad I was that hippie girl :)


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03/03/11--09:27: Specks of Another Reality (chan 1585804)

I can't really fly. 



But still ... 



in the darkness ... 



I look to the sky 



One day, I will spread my wings ... 



I will be who I want to be ... 



I will gather jewels and moon beams ... 



to pathe my destiny 



Until that day ... 



I wait patiently



Naked



Naive, maybe 



Romantically 



The world looks upon me ... 



a fool they see 



I smile



I weep 



But one day ... 



only shadows I will see ... 



specks of another reality ... 



from my perch in the sky


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03/07/11--11:25: Her Magic (chan 1585804)

She gathers paper, glue, sticks, tissue, crayons, sparkly beads, string ... anything that catches her imaginative and little-girl eye at the moment. 


Then she sits. 


She creates. 


With tiny hands she makes something beautiful. 


When she is done ... she brings her creation to me and says, "Mama ... I made this for you," and she places the beautiful thing in my hand, a focused and generous expression on her delightful, angelic face.


She makes these things to offer the world bits of herself ... to fill the world around her with beauty. 


When she gives these parts of herself to me ... 


places the object on a nearby table ... 


attaches the jeweled creation with loving hands around my neck ... 


tapes the portrait to the refrigerator door ... 


she sheds the warmth of her light on me ... 


she fills my world with ... her magic.




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04/27/11--06:51: Rule #26 (chan 1585804)




I offered this advice to a friend of mine recently. 

Now I freely offer it to you. 

RULE #26 in the 'RULES WOMEN WRITE BUT MEN STILL HAVE NO CLUE' handbook --- 

#26 - Avoid calling women wenches ... 


unless you are a tavern owner, wear an eye patch or continuously walk around with a parrot on your shoulder - and these three costumes are all approved by your "wench" -- in order to play some "game" (I'll let you use your vivid imagination here - while I'm really not sure how anyone could incorporate a parrot into "games" - tee hee - if you are someone who can, I don't want to hear how, thankyouverymuch). 

Then you can call her a wench all you want - in your very best pirate voice, of course ... :)

 

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06/27/11--11:15: Dance Children! (chan 1585804)

When I was a little girl, I was the type of child that pushed the boundaries. Sometimes ... did the opposite of what I was told just to be defiant. In so many ways I am still like that. 

I think that those of us that go against the grain are the ones paving new paths in this world - for ourselves and for those that follow us - otherwise ... we would all be like sheep ... herded into clumps of mindless people all headed in the exact same direction. What kind of miserable world would that be?? 

I hope none of my children are ever sheep. I hope I have taught them to lead - not follow. To look toward the horizon - not the ground. To do an unauthorized fly-by every now and then just for the thrill of it - tee hee. And ... to always dance .... even if the music stops playing .... :)

(This is a photo my precious twins, Courtney and Chloe, when they were 3 years old - shadows of each other then and now ... but, now at 19, individually and combined ... inspirational forces to be reckoned with ... :)